The aftermath of it all

I would love to be able to honestly say that everything is back to normal after all of this, but the only person I would be fooling is myself. It is hard to deal with what happened to Tim. He is doing wonderful with learning to walk but his balance is still very unsteady and it has caused a lot of tension and stress in the household. It seems that his patience is wearing thin and therefore causing my frustration to grow more frequently. I have been working longer hours trying to make it easier for myself to pay bills and get ready for the upcoming school semester but it seems like I am just working just enough to stay behind and not moving forward. The bills are always piled, the credit card statements are always there, and the debt that I've accumulated is haunting. I have been able to stay ahead of the game but I don't know how I can stay positive when there isn't an end of this in sight. Tim's vision is still very bad. He cannot see certain things peripherally (sp) so there is no way of him being able to drive in the near future. Its frustrating for him because cars is his entire life, but it's also frustrating for me because I spend more than I should on parking. I have asked my siblings for help through all of this and Jims work schedule does not add up to mine and Jason is less then accomidating and believes that he should be entitled to smell my car up with cigarette smoke and use all my gas when he takes my car for joy rides while I am at work. My relationship with him is minimal and we only talk or communicate when he needs something or when I am desperate for a ride. I feel like I get no support sometimes. I bend over backwards to help out anyone I could but the minute I need something I am ignored. I also don't ask too many people for anything because I don't want to be a burden.
      I lay awake at night having trouble sleeping. I relive the events that have happened to us each and every night. I don't know if it is post traumatic stress disorder, or just stress. I enjoy working in the hospital because I meet new people everyday and I am able to communicate with them as a kind of therapy. My co-workers have been more than kind and helpful and always lend an ear to me, but I think that being inside of the hospital just brings up too many scary memories of how Tim almost died there. I walk past his wing and when I have to go up to the neurology unit I am forced to look inside of the room where he was in for almost 40 days. I can't move past what happened. I try to make positives out of negatives by telling people that he is doing great, and he really is for someone who has made it this far after brain surgery, but that doesnt mean that we arent struggling everyday with the aftermath of it all.
     Things are just gloomy in CT. After the mass shooting in Sandy Hook people just are upset and not themselves. my Aunt and Uncle live in sandy hook with their 5 children and I cannot imagine what they are going through. Their neighbor was one of the little boys that was excecuted. It's sad and scary beyond words and just makes everything in this world look like shit.