Living in Sweats.

I have updated my blog and my posts online about how Tim is doing and will continue to do so, but what I haven't done is write how I am doing with all of this. I am a wreck. It has been 9 weeks since Tim was admitted to the hospital. We have gone from Yale to Gaylord to Yale to Gaylord and it is a constant battle between the nurses to ensure that Tim is being taken care of. Not only do I stay with Tim the majority of the day but I work at the hospital to. I feel like I live in my scrubs and sweatpants. I never do my hair, put my makeup on, go out somewhere nice... I don't do anything except breathe hospital settings.. It is all around me. And I shouldn't feel this way. I should be strong and dedicated to Tim's success and improvement. I should be there to hold his hand when he is upset, or yell when his medication is late, but at the same time these doctors and nurses should know his routine and I shouldnt have to be the one that has all of this piled high on my shoulders. I am about to break and fall. I am about to crumble. I am tired. I am sad. I am sick of sleeping alone at night. every morning I wake up and its a struggle to get out of bed because I know that the only thing I am going to do today is stay at the hospital. Same routine. I know this is selfish because Tim has to do the same thing, and its because he is sick. But this is just how I feel. I am a strong support system for Tim and I know that, but I don't feel like I have a support system for me to see how I am doing. I know that is selfish too because everyone always talks to me about Tim and how he is doing. I get tons of feedback on my facebook posts from family and friends all around the world but it doesn't fill the emptiness that I feel inside of me. I don't know how to get out of this rut and if I am weak then Tim has no strength outside of his own to depend on. I am breaking and I don't know how to regain my strength.